Being trans is not an ideology that was or can be “groomed” or “taught.” The complex microbiological factors that lead to the development of someone’s gender identity also aren’t things that can be taught in grade school biology class, which is another widely used catch phrase by those that wish to criticize trans folks.

Being trans is a fundamental aspect to someone’s brain biochemistry.

While I’m not a scientist that can break these complex subjects down personally, we’re fortunate to live in a time where many doctors and scientists alike have collaborated, peer reviewed, and published many different bodies of research to give us the understanding that we have today on what it means to be trans.

So let’s get right into it, shall we.

If watching or listening to something in the background is more your style, or the style of the person you may want to send this to, check out this video from biologist Forrest Valkai that does a spectacular job breaking down the fundamentals of biology in relation to chromosomes, sex characteristics, and gender identity. This is probably one of my favorite videos on the subject, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

As for written studies on the subject, here’s a list of some of my favorites:

This article from PubMed, one of the most respected research publicans of Medicine on the planet, categorizes explains the sexual differentiation of the human brain in relation to gender identity.

Another from PubMed that discusses the structural, functional, and metabolic brain differences that can cause variance in gender identity.

This site goes into detail about how MRI scans suggest transgender people’s brains resemble their identified gender.

Here’s a great research paper from the Medical College of Georgia at Augusta University about how gene variants provide insight into the brain/body incongruence in transgender people.

Here’s a fantastic article from Oxford Academic about how a sex difference in the hypothalamic uncinate nucleus has a relationship to someone’s gender identity. It is worth noting that this research was presented in 2008, proving once again that this isn’t some “ideology that started just a few years ago by the woke left” as some people have started to claim.

Here is another, also from 2008, also from PubMed, about genetic expression and androgen receptor length being a contributing factor to being trans.

Here’s an article from ScienceDirect that has more than 10 collaborative scientists confirming that there is a molecular basis for gender dysphoria, by discussing the androgen and estrogen receptor interactions.

This next one is one of my favorites and is especially useful as a rebuttal to “trans people are just mentally ill, get them help!” It is from the American Psychiatric Association (APA) and it is simply the page on gender dysphoria, the mental anguish that typically drives a trans person to want to transition, though is not required to want to transition.

It’s relevant because this is the APA, comprised of the most well respected mental health professionals in American academia and in this diagnosis page, they have a whole section dedicated to the treatment of a trans person with gender dysphoria, and it is simply to transition.

So the next time you see someone saying “get help! Mentally ill!” it’s worth noting the “help” they’re referring to, is quite literally to transition.

Oh? Someone isn’t arguing the science anymore but is now quoting Blanchard, the disgraced scientist with a bunk theory that proved to be wildly inaccurate? Look no further.

Here is a critique of Blanchard dating back nearly 15 years.

Here is a great piece by Julia Serano, a biochemist from Princeton deconstructing the autogynephilia framework presented by Blanchard.

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I intend to keep this blog post alive and to provide new sources as they are released, and even to make revisions as needed if one doesn’t seem up to par with disputing the narrative that being trans is merely “an ideology” adequately enough.

I was inspired to write this because I’ve seen this blatantly incorrect phrase thrown around many different online spaces. Despite the prevalence of this false narrative, I am still of the mind that most people are skeptical of being trans not because they’re all evil, but because they’re simply ignorant.

And I don’t use the word “ignorant” as a pejorative, but rather it’s simple definition—they don’t know any better. They do not know what they do not know, and so like most people being faced with something they don’t understand, they lash out.

I hope this post is used as a tool and a resource to many people that are trying to explain what being trans is to others from a more scientific perspective.

If you’re a trans person that has maybe struggled with your own body incongruence and think you’re just crazy, or even that you’re alone in how you feel, I hope these help you understand that you are not alone, and that baby, you were born this way.

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They also do three to four times better on the tattoo.

I had a vision for what these tattoos would look like and I was excited to see it through. It wasn’t until about 2 years later that the space had been taken up but it didn’t look anything like what I had envisioned.

I was crushed.

So I had another artist try to “tie it all together” and I was left with what I could only consider to be an abomination permanently etched into my skin. I was embarrassed to even tell people I had tattoos at that point, dreading the inevitable “Let me see it!” comments.

Fast forward another 3 years of dealing with the constant sting of regret before I decide to look into getting a cover up.

At the time I was pretty deep into Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and Muy Thai training and had done a few BJJ competitions, so I decided given where the tattoos were, it would be suitable (and relevant as someone in their mid 20’s that is feeling like a ‘bad ass’) to get a gladiator style armor plate cover up over my cheap tattoos.

This time, I paid a good artist good money to make sure it was done right. The way it was coming together was awesome. Despite being a hyper-masculine tattoo, I was happy to just have something that didn’t look as bad as the cheap tattoos did.

At the time, I was working, but didn’t have thousands of dollars to blow on tattoos so we finished around 75% of what I wanted done and the plan was to come back in around 2 months and finish as well as touch up the rest.

Unfortunately within that time frame, my artist passed away.

It was a tragedy and completely unexpected. My heart still goes out to his family for their loss.

I had tried finding an artist that shared his vision after that, including another in his own shop, but nobody quite matched up.

So here I was now, with not only a set of cheap tattoos, but now an incomplete cover up that felt like it would never be finished properly.

Fortunately, even at 75% I still didn’t hate it as much as the cheap tattoos, so I was able to tough it out until a couple years later when I was looking at options for things to do with all the tattoos that now covered my chest and about 1/3 of my arm.

I found a good tattoo removal business (not a sponsor, just who I use) that had good reviews and based on their pictures, good results. They ran a black Friday sale that took 50% off the cost of removal and decided to jump in. I spent about as much on that sale as I would another tattoo, so I figured I may as well give it a shot.

A few weeks after signing up I had my first appointment.

And I was not ready for what I was in for.

I’ll explain the process so that maybe you or someone considering getting removal knows what to expect.

When you first arrive, they take you back into the procedure room where you take off whatever article of clothing (if any) needed to expose your tattoo.

They then shave the area (again, if needed) and lay a giant ice pack over the tattoo to numb it as well as they can. This isn’t just any ice pack either, like you’d think of if you were packing a lunch or something.

It’s colder. Much colder.

Putting the pack on your skin hurts almost as bad as the removal does. It is not a pleasant experience.

After your skin is numbed up, they give a few test snaps with the laser which at first feel like a hot rubber band slapping your skin. No big deal, right?

Nope.

Once the laser gets going, and it’s repeatedly piercing your skin, it very quickly starts to feel like someone is cutting off a slab of your skin with a scalpel.

It is unbelievably painful.

My last tattoo session for the coverup had me in the chair for 8 hours. I’d rather do that again than spend 20 minutes in the laser room.

It’s that bad.

It is, however, the only real way to remove a tattoo. Using balms or scrubs can permanently scar your skin which is not what you want if you ever plan to get a coverup or get total removal.

Just know that removal does cost a pound of flesh, and you feel every bit of it.

At this point, I’m around 8 sessions in, and there has been a measurable improvement on what it looks like. It’s faded significantly, and I’ve accepted the fact that I will in all likelihood need yet another coverup, but this time I’ll have more flexibility with what I can do with the tattoos being as faded out as they are.

This is not to dissuade you but rather just inform you. It’s a procedure that’s been rigorously tested and more importantly, it works.

If you have a tattoo that you want removed or faded to cover up easier, it is absolutely something I can recommend. Just make sure wherever you go, that they are using the most up to date technology.

My one biggest piece of advice, is that you do not go cheap and use someone with outdated technology just to save a few dollars. It is simply not worth it.

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But I’m here to tell you today, that none of the adjectives I just used are even remotely close to what true stoicism is. They’re bastardized misinterpretations of what this philosophy was trying to teach us.

So before we move forward, I want you to forget everything you have heard previously about Stoicism and come into this with an open mind.

Stoicism is not the philosophy of indifference. It receives this reputation because stoics do not dwell on the negative opinions of others or otherwise expected hurdles of day to day life. They are not emotionless, they simply know where to place their emotions appropriately. Where it matters. On your friends, your family, your community. On yourself.

What, for instance, does it mean to be insulted? Stand by a rock and insult it, and what have you accomplished? If someone responds to insult like a rock, what has the abuser gained with his invective? — Epictetus. Discourses I, 25.28–29

This philosophy is built around 4 core virtues: Wisdom, Courage, Temperance, and Justice. I’ll define each one, and then talk more about how these have helped me (and hopefully you as well).

Justice: No, not your Batman style justice of punching bad guys and throwing them in jail. While that isn’t a terrible thing depending on the reasoning, that’s not what this actually means in this context. Justice, in Socratic terms, means to allow logic to dictate your decisions. When I was in undergrad, the best way this was explained was this:

You have 3 parts of the brain that contribute to your thought processes. Those parts are the logical, emotional, and instinctual.

Justice, is when the logical side of the brain, dictates what the other two do.

Have you ever been on a diet? You were so tempted by that pizza or cupcake but the better part of you won. You resisted the temptation and allowed your better judgment to win. That was your logical brain making that decision for you. That was (a very minor, but still true definition of) justice. Allowing that side of me to win more fundamentally changed my life.

Temperance: This is not a lack of emotion, but rather controlling your emotions. Stoics felt deeply. They enjoyed life. They enjoyed their families, and teaching others. They enjoyed being in their communities. They weren’t cold and heartless people at all.

But they knew how to control their emotions. They knew where to allocate their mental energy, and it wasn’t on petty drama or because it rained and their plans were ruined. They looked for the good through the thick of the bad.

Wisdom: When Epictetus speaks of this virtue, he’s largely referring to always being open to learning—to always be willing to grow and to never be complacent. But also to understand what is under your control, and what is not. Change what you can and have the ability to change, but allow the rest to pass over you like water over a rock.

Courage: What I would consider my trans friends to already have in abundance. To have the courage to face the hardships of life head on, regardless of how they come.

“Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.” – Lucius Seneca. Letters from a Stoic

Transitioning in itself is a call to courage. To face bigotry, ignorant politicians, medical gatekeepers, and even family members who just won’t take the time to learn.

But despite the odds, here we stand.

Around a year ago now I picked up a copy of Ryan Holiday’s book The Daily Stoic alongside the companion journal he released with it, and since I have journaled twice a day, every day, like clockwork. I have fully incorporated it into my daily routine and I even travel with them now.

Learning more about stoicism beyond the surface level has profoundly reshaped my world view and how I view life.

You may have seen the terms Amor Fati or Memento Mori around. These are mantras that I reflect on regularly.

Amor Fati: Love your fate. Love what the universe has given to you and turn it into a positive. I used to view being trans as a burden. As something to be ashamed of.

No, I am precisely who I was born to be.

Memento Mori: Remember that you too shall die. Morbid? Maybe. But it’s a reminder of how fucking short life is. I thought about this often before I decided to transition.

Do I want to spend the finite amount of time I have on this planet living in secret, scared of what a few people might think of me? Or do I want to experience life the best way I can before my ticket is punched?

We are born trans. This can’t be taught into us from “woke teachers.” This can’t be “groomed” despite how much some politicians might try to claim it can be.

We are precisely who we are supposed to be.

I can’t control the thoughts of others. I can’t control their prejudices, but I can control how I feel about them. What I can control, are my own thoughts and actions.

I choose courage.

I choose happiness.

“Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them.” – Marcus Aurelius. Meditations

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When I was growing up, being trans wasn’t something that was talked about. It was something you had to find out more about yourself by doing your own research.

Now that being trans has unfortunately been politicized, it’s something that nearly everyone who’s been present for a news cycle in the last decade is aware of. But prior to that? I felt like we were ghosts. No real attention on us one way or the other. And no attention meant there was little support as well.

So here was little Morgan, looking for anyone, nevermind a whole community, that felt as I did. In person, there was no chance I would. Not in the small town I grew up in. On the internet, maybe.

But looking back, I think I was even a little scared to find one. I asked myself:

What if I feel like a fraud? What if they don’t like me? What if our stories aren’t quite the same? Will I even be accepted?

These questions are natural, but misplaced. There have always been welcoming communities around if you know where to look for them.

You just need the courage to actually join one.

So that brings me to the point of this post, and that is the importance of having community. We’re social creatures, us humans are. We long for connection. We don’t need (or hell, even want to be) the most popular person around.

But we do crave love and acceptance. It’s part of the human condition.

The good part of joining a community, especially a trans or other LGBT+ community, is that the love and support come as a package deal.

When my wife and I had decided to move to Charlotte, one of the first things I did was find a community there. I had decided that regardless of what stage of transition I’d ever be in (if at all, I thought at the time) that I wanted a community.

I wanted others to connect with, to have others to share my thoughts and feelings, and embrace theirs in return.

So I joined Transcend. I feel very fortunate to be in a place where I’ve made so many friends with and met so many other trans folks here that I’ve never felt alone through this whole process.

They’re encouraging, supportive, authentic, and overall just great people to be around.

If you don't already have one, I hope you can find a local support group. I’d try just using Google to find one by typing “trans support group (your city and/or state)” and just drop by their Discord channel, or whatever online community they’ve established for themselves, and see what it’s like.

I don’t think you’ll regret it.

To all of my friends who might read this, I just want to say thank you for your continued support through this journey of mine. Living authentically has impacted me in ways you may never know.

Thank you for being you.

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Or at least the direction it appears to be heading in.

Part of navigating this for me has been equal parts acceptance that some problems are bigger than what I alone can change, and while looking at the big picture, understanding the parts that equal the sum of what we see.

What I mean by that is there are many factors that contribute to the outrage cycle we are being presented. What we are seeing is an amalgamation of those parts.

It’s a machine mostly run by ignorance. That ignorance can be fueled by a lack of education, lack of exposure, religious indoctrination, and lastly, it can be no more than a dishonest grift that’s financially incentivized.

News outlets are run as a business. Like all businesses, they need to sell either a product or a service. Their product is fear, and they sell advertising slots to other companies to present to those they can rope in with that fear.

And what’s one of the hottest topics for either side of the political spectrum right now?

Trans rights.

I know the political spectrum is much wider than what media would also have us believe, but for the sake of simplicity I’ll narrow it down to the way they view it.

For the left, they largely view themselves as defenders of human rights. They want everyone treated equally. Since there’s a hyperfocus on trans rights right now, that’s where a lot of their attention goes.

For the hard right, they are enraged by our existence and don’t believe we should be treated equally as human beings. Many of them don’t care to learn more about us, they don’t care to extend any degree of sympathy towards us.

Putting it simply, they don’t think we should participate in society as equal members of it.

We’ve seen this time and time again from the right, all the way from the confederacy and the war they waged for the right to enslave human beings, all the way up to modern day. And they will lose just as they always do, but it will take time and effort. More on that later.

To the original point, news outlets know that if they feed a right wing base any content about trans people, they will rage scroll and give them all the ad revenue they could extract and then some. It plays right into their algorithms too.

There’s a financial incentive to keep the hamster wheel of hate moving, and the first step of this is understanding that a lot of the negative press we see is manufactured.

The right says something edgy about trans people, the left wing outlets report on it, it riles up both sides of the political spectrum. We all lose, and they make money from it.

Great system, right?

The truth is that a lot of people, both on the left and right, are indifferent to trans issues. Trans kids being political punching bags isn't even popular with a lot of the base. Most people regardless of where they land politically, are largely “Live and let live” types.

If you look in the dark corners of the internet it may look a bit different, but publicly? Most people are just trying to live their own lives and don’t have time to focus on something that doesn’t immediately affect them.

Despite it not being a majority, it's still an issue to be addressed.

One of the more recent fights for rights against the more conservative extremists was for marriage equality that started back in 2013. For those of us old enough to remember the rhetoric, there are a lot of parallels between what we saw then and what we see now for trans rights.

“But the children!” “The nuclear family unit!” “It’s against my religion!”

Sound familiar?

Despite the right’s best efforts, slowly but surely, it simply just became the norm. There were mountains of pushback, mockery, ridicule, bad faith debates—the same things we see now for our own rights. Yet we marched on, and here we are now a decade later, and very rarely do you hear anyone speak negatively about gay marriage.

But that debate went on for 2 years until in 2015 it was finally ruled by the supreme court that no state could ban same-sex marriage.

This is the way rights are won. It’s never just a battle, but a war of attrition. A war that can span over several years at that. But a war that we can, and will, win.

The second part of this is at a personal level. Controlling what you can, and not allowing things largely outside of your own control to cause you debilitating mental distress.

In one of my previous posts, I wrote about stoicism and how much it’s helped me personally. This is one of the key tenets of stoicism.

Now, that doesn’t mean to just go belly up and let bigots trample us since we “can’t control it.”

That’s not what I am advocating at all.

By all means, protest, have good faith debates, engage where you can and have a real possibility of changing the minds of the ignorant.

But understand that those things, despite your best efforts in the city and state you’re in, might not change the minds of folks in deep rural Alabama who have no idea who you are or the message you’re putting out.

This issue is simply bigger than you or me individually. But we all, in the best way we individually can, do our parts.

Understand this isn’t a fight that you will single-handedly win, but you’re not alone either.

This is a group effort, and as long as you are doing your part, the pendulum will continue to swing in our favor.

This very blog you’re reading, is me doing a part of what I can. I’m sharing my story, I’m being public about my transition, so that others may see they’re not alone. I am pushing back, but I understand my limitations as well.

I can only control what I can do, which is let my voice be heard, and actions be seen.

The rest is up to the readers and onlookers.

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As unfortunate as it is, gender norms and societal expectations run hand in hand. Stereotypically, a man is viewed as strong, brave, a leader, the head of the household, the provider, the protector, the bread winner.

Why are all of these things attributed almost exclusively to men?

Is a single mother not strong as well as a provider herself? Is a female soldier not just as brave as her male counterpart? Is a female CEO that runs a fortune 500 company not any more of a leader and bread winner than her male counterparts? Is a mother protecting herself and her children not also considered a protector?

Conversely, women, by society’s standards, are supposed to have grace, be delicate, caring, compassionate, empathetic, submissive, emotional, beautiful to the male gaze.

Why?

These are not characteristics that anyone must live up to, but rather are imposed onto us.

These are attributes that don’t belong to a specific gender, but rather just..a person. These are characteristics that anyone can have, regardless of where they may fall on the gender spectrum.

And if you have the audacity to buck against what’s expected you’re ostracized, considered “weird” or “socially inept.”

Because we don’t fit into the fucking box you created?

I’d rather be called “weird” than live in a mental cage.

This was something that I felt like had haunted me since the beginning was reconciling with the expectations put onto me by society, and no longer being “a man."

The male role models I had in my life were plenty masculine, but largely the worst parts of it. Mentally, physically, and emotionally abusive, ruled the house through intimidation and insults, and always had to be the one with the last word. Domineering in conversation.

Things that people think make them a man.

Growing up I vowed to not be like them, to be better.

Ironically enough, this translated into me looking to fictional characters that exemplified virtue since the ones around me in person couldn’t.

What originally spurred these thoughts was from re-watching one of my favorite movies, The Fellowship of the Ring. There’s such a distinct divide between good and evil in those films and it comes with an appreciation and immediate attachment to the “good” characters.

There’s actually a great film study done that breaks down Aragorn's character in more detail, but when I was a kid, he was the one I looked up to as an example.

Might sound silly or childish at the surface level, I mean it’s fiction, right?

But if empathy, courage, selflessness, compassion, acts of heroism and real leadership are clearly being demonstrated, does it matter so much if it’s fiction or not?

I saw more character on display in fiction than I did in reality.

This is what I always felt, since I was a kid, that I should be. This is what I should be like. I also should be empathetic, courageous, selfless, compassionate, a leader, a hero.

But..if that’s who a man was, and I’m not a man, what does that make me?

Am I the opposite of these things?

Do I forgo some of these traits that I’ve assigned to masculinity?

The framework that I built for what it means to be a man, a real man, doesn’t apply to me now, right?

Wrong.

It wasn’t until recently that I realized how wrong this mentality was.

First of all, I was born trans. We all are. If I was modeling those characteristics after myself, then I was never attributing them to being a man.

I was attributing them to being a good person.

None of those traits, not a single one, is exclusive to how you were born.

I know many cowardly men that consider themselves masculine. I know many men that consider empathy a weakness.

They haven’t learned that caring about and working with the person next to you is precisely what builds civilizations.

No matter where you think you might land on the gender spectrum, understand that no single positive (or negative for that matter) trait is locked hand in hand with any specific gender.

Being a good person is simply being a good person.

Your heroes can still be your heroes no matter how you, or they, were born.

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I’d known since I was 6 years old that something wasn’t quite right. I didn’t understand why I was separated from the other girls in that small Catholic school of mine. I just wanted to dress, play, and act like one of them. I felt like one of them. I was forced to wear a boys uniform, walk, talk, and act a certain way. To play my part. It wasn’t too long after until I fell in line.

Sure, I made friends, I adapted. I learned to hide what I was feeling quickly. I had to.

But those feelings never went away. I grew up with an existential sense of inadequacy and discomfort that now clearly was gender dysphoria wreaking havoc on me.

I spent the rest of my childhood and teenage years not understanding why I could never shake this constant, overbearing sense that something was wrong.

When I had learned what the word “transgender” was, I couldn’t get my hands on enough content for it. I looked for it in secret. I would scroll through TV guides, documentaries, movies, books, anything I could get a hold of to learn more. I hoped I could find someone who felt the same way I did, and was shocked to find out they didn’t just feel the same way, they did something about it.

I didn’t even know you could do something about this.

That’s great for them, but I could never do that. I don’t need to go that far. This will go away, right? Plus, what would my parents think? What would my friends think? I’m not old enough, I don’t even know where I would start.

So, I started to do what I could to forget about it. I stayed busy. I was always with friends, playing video games until I nearly passed out in my computer chair, eating atrociously unhealthy foods. Anything to escape and distract myself from what I was feeling.

Fast forward a few more years. I’m in my early 20’s, working a job I can barely bring myself to care about enough to show up, and these feelings are too strong to ignore. I remember sitting in my little Jeep at the time and finally admitting to myself I’m Transgender.

That’s the source of this, and while it was so painfully obvious in retrospect, when you spend years in denial and distraction, it’s easy to think otherwise.

Now that I was out to myself, I didn’t know what that meant for my future. I didn’t know what that meant for my career, my marriage, my friendships, my family. It was all just so overwhelming.

I remember driving home and thinking about what was next. I saw my entire future crumbling right in front of me. Divorce, being the black sheep of the family, losing my friends and any support group I could possibly have around me.

So, I did what many other trans folks do—I hid even more. I proceeded to grow my beard out to the longest it’d ever been. I got involved in stereotypically masculine hobbies—shooting, archery, and later martial arts. I dressed in baggier clothes. Wore camo like some fucking extra on Duck Dynasty. I ran right back into the closet and went even deeper. I almost found Narnia at one point.

But despite all the years of running, it all came to a head in February of 2020. I couldn’t bear to hide it another day. I called a therapist and made an appointment for the following week, and later that same day, I told my wife. If we were going to have children, she needed to know before, not after.

To say I was terrified would be an understatement. I wish I could’ve checked my heart rate at the time, because my heart was beating faster than it had during some sparring sessions.

Her response was one I could’ve only dreamt of. She said she would stand by me, and she wanted to make a plan to move to a more accepting city.

There were a lot of tears and a lot of questions, and I welcomed all of it.

I started making plans for laser hair removal and getting things together to change my name. The speed everything was moving along even gave me a bit of whiplash, but worse so was how jarring it was for my wife.

On top of that, I knew that taking hormones would hurt my chances of having children, so between these two things, I decided I’d just put a stop to all of it.

This was what I guess you could call my purgatory phase. I was out, but I wasn’t doing anything about it. That was difficult, but worth it. Shortly after, we were pregnant with our first daughter. Within six months of our first daughter being born, we were pregnant with our second.

And so now that puts me where I am now. I have two toddlers, we’re in a new city, and I have finally, after all these years, taken the first steps towards transition.

My first laser hair removal appointment was just yesterday. I’ll write more about that later. But most importantly, the first step has been taken, and I couldn’t be happier about it.

In this blog I intend to write about my experiences through this, and tell a bit more of my story, as well as give a little commentary on the political climate that we unfortunately have to deal with.

I don’t know who this blog will help, but even if for just one person it gives you the sense of belonging that I always craved, to just know that you’re not alone, then it would make this all worth it. 

See you next time.